he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
