sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
