tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
