Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
