I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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