operation have a gay friend backfired
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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