Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
