im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
