She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
