Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
