i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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