I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
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I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
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You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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