Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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