umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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