im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
