If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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