dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
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Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
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He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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