...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
They took my balls.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
