I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
In other news, I just burned my penis
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
