i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
