Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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