as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
