You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
