Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
