Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
