my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
