You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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