I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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