Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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