I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize