if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
