Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
