just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
