They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
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do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
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he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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