So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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