I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
