I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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