i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
