Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
