Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
