Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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