she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
