Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
