Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
accomplished twins. life is a go
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
