all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
This is my gift to your gina
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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