a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize