you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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