Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize