good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
