I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
