It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You are a genius and a whore.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
