I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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