Welp...herpes.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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