can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
