I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
