that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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