I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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