So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
