PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
