I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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