I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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