Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
