so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
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No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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