wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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