if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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