That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
