K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
