i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
