Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
