I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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