This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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