that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
