Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
