If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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