Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
