Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
