I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Sober January is a disaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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