just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He's a Shit stain on my heart
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
