When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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