I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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