Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
